Ten Important Lessons in My Life So Far
1. If you want people to like you, be nice
The secret to getting people to like you is simple; be fair, be decent, be likable. People are going to like you for how you make them feel. Our hearts warm up to kind, generous, friendly, helpful, and respectful individuals.
I am a 29-years old. I have been in the dating pool for a while now. None of my romantic relationships have so fair yielded something serious. My dating life has had a trend — I would start with a guy and after a few weeks or months, the guy would lose interest, and then I would be caught up in a web of trying to convince them to be with me. This never worked.
In the spirit of being honest to myself, I was not a nice person. I have had deep anger issues for most of my life and this hurt my relationships. I was also selfish and a little dramatic. Why would anyone want to be with me? Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that all single people are bad people- not at all.
My journey to becoming a better person began a year ago and so far, I love the person I am becoming.
2. Don’t be too busy for the People You Love
2020 has definitely been the saddest year for me. On the night of 12th November 2020, around 10:30 pm, I got the saddest news ever. My uncle — my dad’s younger brother, who was like my elder brother was dead. He had been shot dead in cold blood by armed robbers at his home in Rongai, Nairobi. This was painful — I was hopeless. I lost a big brother, a mentor, a friend, a role model. This is the kind of pain that has the potential to break you.
One of the worst things about losing my uncle that day was the fact that I was to call him to discuss my younger brother’s UK university opportunities. I was caught up with work all day and ended up forgetting. If I had gotten around to do it, I would have had a chance to say goodbye — at least indirectly.
A few weeks before he had tried to come to my house. It would have been his first time there. I was still at work. He didn’t make it. Moving forward, I want to find more time to hang out with my family and friends.
3. Don’t Mix Business with Family
My brother cleared his high school towards the end of 2019. I had to host him in Nairobi since my mother relocated from Nairobi and we no longer have a home in the city. I decided to host him at my Airbnb studio. The idea was that he would help me manage the place better by helping with the cleaning and checking in and out the guests. I would host him at my house when on the nights the studio had a guest.
I trained him on my expectations and helped him understand why we needed the money. Corona had greatly impacted the hospitality industry, Airbnb included so if I was going to stand a chance of surviving as a host on Airbnb, you needed to make the few available guests very happy.
To make the long story short, my brother did not live up to the expectations and my business was very hurt. A few of my returning guests stopped coming and I almost gave up the place. What I attribute to my younger brother’s failure to help my business is because we are family. He didn’t work as hard as required because he thought, After all, this is my sister, what’s the worst that she could do to me?
4. Don’t react from anger
Has someone ever advised you to not make decisions when you are either too angry or too sad? I have seen the negative effects of this first hand.
I can recall vividly the times when I have reacted when am angry, I have always ended up regretting my actions and words. The trick is, when at this state: take some time to cool off. Once you do, you will probably react in a way you will be proud of — or at least a way you will not regret.
5. There is always a positive side of bad things
When something bad happens, our natural response as human beings is to freak out and imagine the worst. But overtime, I have learnt that, once you take a comment, you will find a positive in most of the bad things that happens. There is almost, always a positive side — put on a positive mindset and find it.
6. Learn to develop a tough skin — It is a tough world out here
Life in general is not a walk in the park. You are going to meet hardships that will threaten to break you but you need to be willing to fight and overcome them. I would be lying if I said I have never tried to relate with people who take their own life when they cannot take it any longer. I would never take my own life and therefore I need to always find ways to fight.
7. Learn to take risks
This year, I finally quit my government job. I have been contemplating this for 2 years before. I finally got the courage to do it. I threw myself into an unknown space that is a new job in the private sector. I wanted to be challenged. I wanted to have a fulfilling career. My government job did not give me this. I am so happy I did this because everything worked out. I love my current job and am glad I took that risk.
8. You need everyone you can get
It’s important to try and hold on to everyone in your life. Sure, some people are outright toxic for you and the best decision is to get rid of them but most people that come to your life are not. You are going to need as many people as possible to be there for you in times of difficultly so it is important to hold on to as many people as possible. I have given up on some friends for reasons that were not good enough to end the friendships. If I was to go back, I would probably not make the same choices. Moving forward, I plan to try and do life with people.
9. You are not your looks
On a scale of 1–10. I think I am a solid 8. Am still single. People say that am too pretty to be single. Truth is, I am not my looks. Someone will not want to be with you simply because of how you look. You can be the most good-looking person in the world but if you are no likable or nice, you will repel people away from you.
10. Quit having expectations
The best thing you can do for yourself is to not expect much from people — romantic relationships or otherwise. You will save yourself a lot of heartaches when you realize that the only person you should depend on is yourself. Having expectations from people is simply setting up yourself for failure.
I am currently dating someone who I have zero expectations of and I feel free. I am okay with however it turns out. If it was never meant to be, it will simply die off. There isn’t much I can do apart from being the best person I can be and let whatever happens, happens.
